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puddle jumper, n. In aviation, a two seat wide, twenty row, fixed winged aircraft that barely clears the treetops at the end of the runway. Frequent flyers to small towns find this is a great way to remove any bowel obstructions.
“We would like all passengers at the back of the plane to please move forward to the front seats to help distribute the weight of the plane for a safer takeoff.” – Flight attendant on Trans-Texas Airways (a.k.a. Tree Top Airlines) to Air Force recruits flying out of Dallas Love Field (1968) on way to basic training in San Antonio; instructions had to be repeated at stopovers in Waco and Austin after picking up more recruits*
brain dead, n. The second organ pronounced dead after the numb butt from sitting in an all-day budget meeting.
investment, n. Slot machines are the most honest investments: you understand how they work, you know they’re rigged, and you understand you’ll lose more than you win. But with slot machines you still have hope.
“Why would you invest with a Wall Street broker who rides the subway to work?” – Warren Buffett
key man insurance, n. Insurance taken out by partners on partners to protect their business in case of the other’s death. Partners then begin discreet Google search for “made” men from Kansas City.
no solicitors, n. Sign on office doors warning salespeople not to enter or suffer the consequences. The last thing you remember seeing when waking up in the emergency room.
Attention business owners, sales managers, salespeople, and marketing executives: at the back of the book you’ll see a referral strategy to find new business if you’d rather not cold call.