The Wickedly Fun Dictionary of Business – April 21, 2014

CoverGet a FREE copy (PDF abridged edition) of my new book The Wickedly Fun Dictionary of Business – Words That Escaped Me Before My Brain Finished Downloading. It’s quick. It’s quirky. It’s fun!

It’s free at http://www.FootInTheDoor.com

puddle jumper, n. In aviation, a two seat wide, twenty row, fixed winged aircraft that barely clears the treetops at the end of the runway. Frequent flyers to small towns find this is a great way to remove any bowel obstructions.
“We would like all passengers at the back of the plane to please move forward to the front seats to help distribute the weight of the plane for a safer takeoff.” – Flight attendant on Trans-Texas Airways (a.k.a. Tree Top Airlines) to Air Force recruits flying out of Dallas Love Field (1968) on way to basic training in San Antonio; instructions had to be repeated at stopovers in Waco and Austin after picking up more recruits*

brain dead, n. The second organ pronounced dead after the numb butt from sitting in an all-day budget meeting.

investment, n. Slot machines are the most honest investments: you understand how they work, you know they’re rigged, and you understand you’ll lose more than you win. But with slot machines you still have hope.
“Why would you invest with a Wall Street broker who rides the subway to work?” – Warren Buffett

key man insurance, n. Insurance taken out by partners on partners to protect their business in case of the other’s death. Partners then begin discreet Google search for “made” men from Kansas City.

no solicitors, n. Sign on office doors warning salespeople not to enter or suffer the consequences. The last thing you remember seeing when waking up in the emergency room.

Attention business owners, sales managers, salespeople, and marketing executives: at the back of the book you’ll see a referral strategy to find new business if you’d rather not cold call.

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Quick Quirky Quotes™ for Week of April 14, 2014

Clown clear 4 for blogSobriety Test
“If you’re the designated driver, have fun with it. At the end of the night drop the people off at the wrong houses.” – Jeff Foxworthy

Keep Failing Until You Get It Right
“How do you get started in this business?” they ask.
“You go out and you fail.” – Stephen Colbert when comedians ask how they can break into the business

Choose One
“You have three choices in life: be good, get good, or give up.” – Gregory House, “House M.D.”

Plugging Away
“You never master anything. You just keep working at it.” – Denzel Washington to David Letterman on his hobby of boxing

Political Advisor
“I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.” – Mark Twain

 

NEW! JUST RELEASED!

Icon Cover - AE - Red Ribbon 6Get a FREE copy (PDF abridged edition) of my new book The Wickedly Fun Dictionary of Business – Words That Escaped Me Before My Brain Finished Downloading. It’s quick. It’s quirky. It’s fun!

Download it free at http://www.FootInTheDoor.com.

Here’s a quick peek:

butt-dial, v. Smart ass.

consciously incompetent, adj. The second lowest level of competence. You’re stupid and you know it. Why the Dummies and Idiots books are so popular.

kiss off, v.t. The subject line on your email from your last job interview.

texting, v. Wrds wtht vwls. (Why texting isn’t big in Hawaii.)
“Dear Students: I know when you’re texting in class. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles. Sincerely, Your Teacher.” – Sign posted in high school class

unconsciously incompetent, n. The lowest level of competence. You’re stupid and you don’t know it. It’s when someone asks you to name the ten Supreme Court Justices and you actually come up with ten names.

unintended consequences. Didn’t see that coming! Your mind leaving you thoughtless and alone without telling you it was going.
“Oops!” – Embarrassed presidential contender, and Texas Governor, Rick Perry with his 53-second brain freeze unable to remember one of the three federal departments he wanted to abolish in a nationally televised GOP debate

Attention business owners, sales managers, salespeople, and marketing executives: at the back of the book you’ll see a referral strategy to find new business if you’d rather not cold call.

How Can I Make Meetings Shorter?

Lunch Cover with Free OfferThe executive vice president of sales in San Francisco was definitely a Driver personality. Cut to the chase. Make your point and shut up.

“I hate meetings! Tell me something I can do to make them shorter and quit wasting my time.”

Easy. Stand up.

When people stop by your office or cubicle, whether invited or not, and you want to make the meeting a quick one, the secret is to make them uncomfortable.

By standing up, they won’t sit down. Your actions tell them to be brief, make their point, and leave.

Other advantages: when standing, you think 20% faster because your heart rate increases by ten beats per minute. Plus, you make quicker and more accurate decisions.

Got a sales meeting? Take out all the chairs. Everyone stands. A one hour meeting will be over in ten minutes.

Stand up when talking on the phone. Your conversations will be shorter, you’ll be more direct, your confidence increases, and you can use your body language to put energy and enthusiasm into your words.

A broker in Los Angeles told me that he removed all the chairs in the sales room where the brokers made their calls. Their sales increased by 35% the first month alone. The only time the brokers could sit down was to enter orders into the computers. But once on the phone, they had to stand. Some of the brokers even went so far as to make stands on their desks so their computers could be at eye level while standing. Think about it. Ever see anyone sitting on the floor at the New York Stock Exchange?
                                               

The above is an excerpt from Lunch? – 20 Sales Questions I’ve Been Asked Over Lunch. You can get a FREE PDF copy at www.FootInTheDoor.com to pass on to anyone you like.

Bite Me!

Selling Doesn't Always Have to Be a Struggle copyThe authors of Improvise This! think you may not be having enough fun at work. They have a few suggestions.

  1. Wear a tool belt around the office. Don’t say anything about it.
  2. Do impressions of customers, coworkers, and vendors.
  3. Remove all magazines from your customer and employee lounge areas. Replace them with baskets of toys, Legos, Mr. Potato Head, Rubik’s Cube, and Magic 8 Ball. (Bonus: put in a nanny cam and provide hours of fun at your next company party.)
  4. Have a complaint box for all employees. However, all complaints must be submitted in the form of a limerick.
  5. The next time corporate sends down a mind-numbing policy statement, send a cookie bouquet with the note “Bite Me!”

 Seriously.
                                                                       

This article is from my ebook, Selling Doesn’t Always Have to Be A Struggle – 45 Ways to Put the Fun Back Into Selling, available at Amazon, the Apple Store, and Barnes & Noble.

How Can I Get Our Salespeople to Ask for the Order?

Lunch Cover with Free Offer 2One of the biggest complaints by business owners and sales managers is that their people never ask for the order. Having lunch with a couple of business owners in New Brunswick, New Jersey, one complained that there had to be some easy way to get his people to ask for the order.

There is. I gave him a 3 x 5 card and told him it was his. Make copies and give it to his salespeople and tell them to give it to the prospect just before getting up to leave the customers’ office. Then let me know if their sales didn’t increase.

He reported that not only did his people close more deals, but they had more fun doing it, and the customers always got a laugh out of it. It added to their expense accounts, but he said the new sales and new business was worth every penny.

What did the card say?

Why Do Business with Me

                                                                       

This is from my PDF ebook, Lunch? – 20 Sales Questions I’ve Been Asked Over Lunch, which you can get for FREE by going to my website http://www.FootInTheDoor.com and requesting your copy.