Quick Quirky Quotes™ for Week of April 14, 2014

Clown clear 4 for blogSobriety Test
“If you’re the designated driver, have fun with it. At the end of the night drop the people off at the wrong houses.” – Jeff Foxworthy

Keep Failing Until You Get It Right
“How do you get started in this business?” they ask.
“You go out and you fail.” – Stephen Colbert when comedians ask how they can break into the business

Choose One
“You have three choices in life: be good, get good, or give up.” – Gregory House, “House M.D.”

Plugging Away
“You never master anything. You just keep working at it.” – Denzel Washington to David Letterman on his hobby of boxing

Political Advisor
“I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.” – Mark Twain



Icon Cover - AE - Red Ribbon 6Get a FREE copy (PDF abridged edition) of my new book The Wickedly Fun Dictionary of Business – Words That Escaped Me Before My Brain Finished Downloading. It’s quick. It’s quirky. It’s fun!

Download it free at http://www.FootInTheDoor.com.

Here’s a quick peek:

butt-dial, v. Smart ass.

consciously incompetent, adj. The second lowest level of competence. You’re stupid and you know it. Why the Dummies and Idiots books are so popular.

kiss off, v.t. The subject line on your email from your last job interview.

texting, v. Wrds wtht vwls. (Why texting isn’t big in Hawaii.)
“Dear Students: I know when you’re texting in class. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles. Sincerely, Your Teacher.” – Sign posted in high school class

unconsciously incompetent, n. The lowest level of competence. You’re stupid and you don’t know it. It’s when someone asks you to name the ten Supreme Court Justices and you actually come up with ten names.

unintended consequences. Didn’t see that coming! Your mind leaving you thoughtless and alone without telling you it was going.
“Oops!” – Embarrassed presidential contender, and Texas Governor, Rick Perry with his 53-second brain freeze unable to remember one of the three federal departments he wanted to abolish in a nationally televised GOP debate

Attention business owners, sales managers, salespeople, and marketing executives: at the back of the book you’ll see a referral strategy to find new business if you’d rather not cold call.


Why Should I Buy From You?

manandwomanworkingThat’s the thought going through the buyer’s mind, whether you’re making the presentation or closing the deal. He’s not asking why he should buy your service or product. He can buy that from anyone. He wants to know what you bring to the table.

You could have acquired that answer on your very first interview with the prospect and saved it to clinch the deal. An effective question for me to ask the client on the first appointment is, “Why am I  here?” The customer is so surprised by the straight-forwardness of the question that he’ll blurt out why he’s unhappy with his current vendor, service, or product and then proceed to tell me exactly what he’s looking for in both me and the service.

When we get to crunch time and he asks, “Why should I buy from you?” I repeat back his own words – the answer – he gave me the first day.

Break the Hypnotic Trance

English: two-seam fastball 日本語: ツーシームの握り

Joe Vitale (Buying Trances) says that prospects are often in a trance. “All vendors are the same” is a trance.

Joe said that what the salesperson has to do is move the client from his trance to the salesperson’s trance in three steps.

  1. Identify his trance. (“All vendors are the same.”)
  2. Agree with his beliefs to gain rapport. (“Yes, we do seem to look alike.”)
  3. Lead his belief to your offer. (“But here’s what makes us different.” New trance.)

Practice it with your kids.

“All baseball pitches are the same,” your child says.

“Yes,” you agree, “they certainly all look alike.”

Then show your child the four-seam fastball grip.

“This pitch will appear to rise when it’s not because it’s not dropping as fast as the batter’s brain thinks it should.”

Next, show your two-seam fastball grip.

“What makes this pitch different is it’s slightly slower and causes the baseball to change directions.”

Change people’s trances to change their beliefs.

When a Brick Isn’t a Brick


Customer give you a problem you can’t solve? Having a hard time to be creative to develop a new marketing piece? Psychologist Ellen Langer said to get the creative juices flowing, add the simple phrase “could be” to look at a problem.

Her experiments showed that if one group of subjects were given a brick and were told “it’s a brick”, they couldn’t see any other creative uses for it. Their mindset was frozen as “it’s a brick”. The next test group was given the same brick and told, “This could be a brick.”

When the last group was asked how many other ways a brick could be used, they said it could serve as a foot warmer, weapon, paperweight, step, bookend, fulcrum, or as a source for red powder.

Solve this problem: Price could be a factor. (That’s right – price is no longer just a brick.)

I Call Her Pecan Because She’s a Nut

shelled and unshelled pecans

What is the difference between being persistent – and being a stalker?

A saleswoman (I’ll call her Pecan to avoid any lawsuits) called for my advice for how to get her prospect to return her calls. She said that she had left multiple messages but he never called back.

I asked her where she stood at this point in the sales cycle.

“Well,” she said, “on my last call he told me to stop calling. He said he thought I was a stalker, that I scared him, and to never call him again.”


“Why do you keep calling him then?” I asked. “He’s given you his answer.”

She hesitated. “ Well…uh…I think I’m infatuated with him. I know he’s married, but I don’t care. What should I do?”

“DON’T CALL HIM BACK!” Get a life lady. Move on.

Pecan wasn’t happy with my answer, but she got off the phone.

She called me back the next day. “Jerry, he’s REALLY mad at me now! I didn’t do what you said and I called him back anyway. What can I do to get him to return my calls?”

Wait a minute. You want me to give you advice for how to stalk a guy? No way. I’m not going to prison for you.

“Pecan. Never call him again or the police will be taking you to the nearest calaboose for lock-up. And never call me back either.”

There. That did it.

Two years later I’m in her city doing a public seminar. Somehow she found the hotel I was staying in to do the seminar.

Getting to my room that evening after a long speaking day, I flopped down onto my bed. R-r-r-i-i-i-ng. Picking up the phone, I was shocked to hear the voice.

“Jerry!” Pecan pleaded, “I know you’ve just finished your seminar and you’re probably tired. But I’m down here in the lobby. Could you please come down and give me some advice for how I can get my (same) prospect to return my calls? I’m really getting desperate!”

And I’m getting really scared. And no, I didn’t go down to show her how to victimize someone who, I’m sure, is now heading for the witness protection program.

Now that – folks – is a stalker.

Restraining order issued: It’s okay to be persistent. It is not okay to be a stalker. Sometimes “No” means “No”. Accept it and move on. Especially when they’re married and you scare the beejezus out of them.